Free Fall

Creed

2012-01-31T19:19:00.005+08:00

It would be cynical if it were a doctrine, but it is merely an observation of reality. To say that nothing is true, is to realize that the foundation of society are fragile and we must be the shepherds of our own civilization. To say that everything is permitted, is to understand that we are the architect of our actions, that we must live with our consequences whether glorious or tragic.

Hence,

Nothing is true, everything is permitted.

Broken Angel

2012-01-27T23:56:00.002+08:00

You showed him all the best of you
But I'm afraid your best
Wasn't good enough
And know he never wanted you
At least not the way
You wanted yourself to be loved
And you feel like you were a mistake
He's not worth all those tears that won't go away

I wish you could see that
Still you try to impress him
But he never will listen

Oh broken angel
Were you sad when he crushed all your dreams
Oh broken angel
Inside you're dying 'cause you can't believe

And now you've grown up
With this notion that you were to blame
And you seem so strong sometimes
But I know that you still feel the same
As that little girl who shined like an angel
Even after his lazy heart put you through hell

I wish you could see that
Still you try to impress him
But he never will listen

Oh broken angel
Were you sad when he crushed all your dreams
Oh broken angel
Inside you're dying 'cause you can't believe

He would leave you alone
And leave you so cold
When you were his daughter
But the blood in your veins
As you carry his name
Turns thinner than water
You're just a broken angel

And I promise that it's not your fault

It was never your fault
And I promise that it's not your fault
It was never your fault

Oh broken angel
Were you sad when he crushed all your dreams
Oh broken angel
Inside you're dying 'cause you can't believe

He would leave you alone
And leave you so cold
When you were his daughter
But the blood in your veins
As you carry his name
Turns thinner than water

Oh he would leave you alone

And leave you so cold
When you were his daughter
But the blood in your veins
As you carry his name
Turns thinner than water

You're just a broken angel

And I promise that it's not your fault

It was never your fault
And I promise that it's not your fault
It was never your fault

'Cause you're just a broken angel

Annoy

2012-01-20T22:05:00.001+08:00

The feeling of being annoyed at yourself because you think people think you are annoying

Sleeping alone?

2012-01-17T21:51:00.001+08:00

I find it fun to text someone at night until both of us falls asleep. :)

The Hardest Thing - Tyler Ward

2011-11-15T19:52:00.001+08:00

The Hardest Thing - Tyler Ward

A still framed photograph of you and me together.
It's all I have with me and you anymore.
We were so in love and we thought it lasts forever.
But in the storm, we were torn.

And I won't forget you, don't regret you.
The hardest thing I've had to do is live without you.
And I wonder why we both walked away.
I'm lost without you, still crazy for you.
Just turn around, come back because your smile is overdue
And I miss, I miss you.

If I only knew the words to say that would make you turn around.
I would say those words to you more than a million times.
It's been forever but it hasn't changed what you mean to me.
And darling can't you see.

That I won't forget you, don't regret you
The hardest thing I've had to do is live without you.
And I wonder why we both walked away.
I'm lost without you, still crazy for you.
Just turn around, come back because your smile is overdue
And I miss, I miss you.

I'm sorry for all I did
What I said, things I hid
I'm finally over me
Is that too late for you?

I can't imagine where I'd be if you had never rescued me
You gave me will to live
Now I need you
Cause I need you

And I won't forget you, don't regret you.
The hardest thing I've had to do is live without you.
And I wonder why we both walked away.
I'm lost without you, still crazy for you.
Just turn around, come back because your smile is overdue
And I miss, I miss you.

--------------------------
Happy Birthday To Me! =D

Loveless

2011-08-02T23:43:00.001+08:00

Prologue
When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end
The goddess descends from the sky
Wings of light and dark spread afar
She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting

Act I
Infinite in mystery is the gift of the Goddess
We seek it thus, and take to the sky
Ripples form on the water's surface
The wandering soul knows no rest.

Act II
There is no hate, only joy
For you are beloved by the goddess
Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds

Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul
Pride is lost
Wings stripped away, the end is nigh

Act III
My friend, do you fly away now?
To a world that abhors you and I?
All that awaits you is a somber morrow
No matter where the winds may blow

My friend, your desire
Is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess

Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return

Act IV
My friend, the fates are cruel
There are no dreams, no honor remains
The arrow has left the bow of the goddess

My soul, corrupted by vengeance
Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey
In my own salvation
And your eternal slumber

Legend shall speak
Of sacrifice at world's end
The wind sails over the water's surface
Quietly, but surely

Act V
Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
To become the dew that quenches the land
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies
I offer thee this silent sacrifice

~Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

Unshared

2011-07-02T20:26:00.001+08:00

Went through a lot these months. Mostly downs. Tired. I need rest.

Footprints In The Sand

2011-05-17T00:45:00.034+08:00

He walked with God.
Left behind are their footprints in the sand
The glimmering light from the sky...
...shown upon the footprints of their lives.
Joy and happiness shone from the two pairs of footprints.
However, during desperate and troubled times,
During times of overwhelming sadness,
During times of unbearable pain,
there would only be one set of footprints.

"Dear God,
During my moments of joy and happiness,
During those times, You were there for me.
However, when I needed You most,
Why were You not there for me?"

God told the man
"I had always been by your side.
When you were feeling helpless, in pain, anguish and tears,
I walked whilst carrying you on my back."

The man looked at God and said
"I'm grateful for everything. Thank You."

Taken from: H₂O: Footprints in the sand.

Fantasy is sometimes better than reality

2011-03-28T14:26:00.004+08:00

The following awesome CGs below are from Mario Wibsono. This guy is good....Here is his top 11.

Credits: http://dailyartcocktail.com/11-attractive-illustrations-by-mario-vibisono/#015
(Decided to re-post from their site because they have too many "advertisements")
P.S. Yes, I've grown up and started looking at girls already. xD Don't mind me. =D

The Road So Far

2011-03-06T19:42:00.000+08:00

Well, one month ago, I announced to the Worldwide Web that my PS2 have officially hit the grave! Wonderfully, my PS2 became Jesus and resurrected from the grave in front of my local PS2 repair guy before he can even crack it open. Wonderful my dear PS2, wonderful, youhavejustmademegototherepairguytofindoutthatnothing'swrongwithyou!!!! =) Chapter close

Next chapter, being in homeschooling is not staying at home mind you. I wonder why everyone thinks that homeschooling is about staying at home and studying. So then again, having s small homeschooling group makes us flexible to the rules, but sometimes, these people go too far. I don't know where to categorize these bunch of students (excluding me) when it comes to 'money spending' or 'spoiled kids'. Seriously speaking, At least every 2 weeks, there will be one day where we either eat McDonalds or Pizza. Which of course brings the money issue up and I always run out of money before the week ends. Not forgetting that my class is practically 7-8 girls and only 3 guys, therefore always getting our orders MIXED UP!!! Next time the guy should order. Then again, after all those food matters, I still have to stay in the church office after class because i have no transport home. Great! I'm stuck in church practically Sunday to Sunday; "Oh! I'm so holy! =)" Chapter close

Lets skip my daily rants and lets move on to something fun. LIFEWIRE RETREAT! Never heard of it?! You've gotta be jokin! Too bad! It's too late for you to know whats it about, registration is closed. Okay, to make this clear to everyone, LifeWire is our new youth name/identification. What happened to ALFA Youth? Oh, we have shifted to our new building and decided to have a new name too! =) Don;t you think LifeWire Youth sounds more 'bzzzttttt' ;) So Instead of having our Leadership Retreat, we replaced it with LifeWire Retreat which from my opinion appears to be a new thing instead of always saying breakaway or youth camp or any other thing. So we, the committee members of LifeWire went through tiring meetings planning for a great event for all the youths who had register! We even had our 'talented in doing strange things that sometimes no one understand' pastor to do a promo/inspirational video for our nice little retreat. Many responded. =) Cool eh?

Another thing about LifeWire. Remember our ALFA blog at http://www.alfaexpressions.blogspot.com? Well, go there now to find out that we have a funky new blog at http://www.lifewireyouth.blogspot.com! Really funky and sleek thanks to our graphics and media team. =D So if you DO keep track of our ALFA blog, please remember to change it to our LifeWire youth blog. =)

A new console is on the way

2011-02-04T22:30:00.002+08:00

Of all places in my house, my dog chose to pee on my PS2!!! D=
From shitting on my bed, to pee-ing on my PS2. Rocco clearly doesn't like me. =P

Anyhow, tried to repair it by opening the cover and all. My warranty is void already so who cares? To my surprise, the edges of the circuit board are all corroded and rusted. My dog god super good pee eh? Took a bunch of cotton bud, wet them, then tried to clean the pee, and guess what.....the cotton bud turned brown, orange, green and black! Disgusting......Even after all that trouble, my PS2 didn't revive. It's silly for humans to try control the flow time of someone's life or in this case, something. =)

SO I should perform a proper burial and sing amazing grace to it and send it to the scrap metal...err, repair shop I mean. If the repair guy can;t fix it, THEN only the scrap metal. With no more console, and a dying pentium 4 with crappy com specs, I am like 65% cut off from the digital world. D=
It just means a new console or a brand new PC is coming. =D

Hm....

Supercomputer

Xbox Kinect

PS3

PSP

NGP/PSP2

So many to choose from. It's my lucky day.

lucky = extremely unlucky but not so unlucky because it has some luck in the unlucky. =D
In conclusion, every cloud has a silver lining. =)

Pulling my hair out

2011-01-16T19:55:00.001+08:00

Alright! Next week i'm worship leading for youth! Great, I can't think of any songs.

Promise

2011-01-07T21:54:00.000+08:00

Put all your feelings into a song which you sing to just one special person.
Into just one word of promise.
May the Twilight Dragon smile upon you.

Absence

2011-01-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

Something's been missing since last Sunday which was the 2nd January. Hope I find it back or IT finds me back. =P

Christmas

2010-12-25T02:42:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, the musical ended with a huge success and we ended the year 2010 with a big bang.
On our first night, things was 'ehhh' but our second and final night closed the history book of 2010 with our seal on it. We took the stage and all the lights was upon us and we blew this year into a past.
As the hour draw near, the first song played, then the carols, and finally, once upon a time, the hand stroked twelve and the sounds of Christmas echoes in each's heads.

If you had missed our splendid Christmas Musical of 2010, though luck. But do not be in despair because the end of one production isn't the end of everything. Greater things are yet to come.

Merry Christmas.

Twin Blades

2010-12-16T18:22:00.001+08:00

All waves rise now and be my shield.
All lightning strike now and be my blade
Truth of Pisces

The Flower Wind falls into chaos ,
and the Flower God cries out .
The Heavenly Wind falls into chaos ,
and the Heavenly Demon laughs .
Heaven of flowers, crazy bones.

Reap, deathwind.

Big moon

2010-11-30T22:46:00.000+08:00

November 30th 2010 - 01:30am

I saw a big big moon. It was yellow but close to red. A nice sight

How I plan to spend my holidays

2010-11-26T00:47:00.002+08:00

Lets see here, i got a break until next year! Woo hoo! Honestly, this year feels super fast. So, I think the holidays are gonna be fast too. D=

So now my list comes.
1. Design finish the sounds for the Christmas Musical 2010. (I'm already rushing before the deadline hits)
2. Get out of the house. (Yes, anyone wanna go watch a movie with me? I've been playing frisbee lately)
3. Train my reflexes. (Through the PS2 of course. =p)
4. Get freakin taller!!!
5. Get a girl??? Nahhhh...

That concludes my plan for the holidays.

Peace of Mind

2010-11-03T12:49:00.000+08:00

Alright, the exams are over and i'm back onto the buttons. The PS2 controller's buttons that is. I had a blistering gameplay yesterday and then my thumb had a blister! =D
In this exam, I experienced something great. Something I never experience before. During my whole 3 weeks of exam, I had a 'peace that transcends all understanding'. Yeah, I was totally calm and not panic during my whole 3 weeks! Well, I might have some not so good results, but having that peace was a wonderful experience already. All glory to God.

Avoiding Static

2010-09-06T15:57:00.000+08:00

When opening a car door, use the asphalt
When getting out of the car, use the roof or window
When opening a door, use the wall

Get it? Before opening the car door, you can discharge static electricity by touching the road
When getting out of the car, touch the roof of the car or the window of the car
Before opening a door, touch the wall to discharge.

For most people who are sensitive to static shock (like me), they are often scared to touch the doorknobs and etc so they use their fingers as a testing if there is a shock but they should be brave to use their entire palm so that the static can discharge equally from the hand (no static spark and shock) and not all from the finger (generating static spark and shock).

The clothing of a person can also determine the amount of static build up for example, fleece and wool generates lots of static build up in a short period of time. Well, you can always go and buy some anti-static items.

The Proper Merdeka

2010-09-02T18:08:00.000+08:00

This is another time in the year everyone are always anticipating and waiting for, the Raya Holidays. Don't deny it, I know you love it too! The two weeks holidays you can spend to catch up on your sleep, homeworks, dates, computer hours and slack hours. If you don;t enjoy or love it, I think you need to refresh your memory.

Okay class, pi is 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288491716939937510 so please memorize it because you are going to use pi in a lot in your exams when you reach circles. (My classmate actually memorized it! No joke!)

You bloody idiot! If you're going to make noise, get out of the lab. Animals all get out! You stupid dumb dumb, open the air hole for the bunsen burner! Stupid! Drop the hydrochloric acid into the sodium hydroxide slowly! Eiyer! Stupid!

So class, [(2x^4-2)(x) - (2x^3)(3x)] / (x)^2 -----Oi you, i'm here teaching and you're there talking, how are you going to understand what I teach? Your homework also you don't do, you make me feel like i'm a very bad teacher. If you can get 100 marks in your add maths then you don't need to listen to me. I give you another homework one more time ar, if you don't do, then I won't give anymore homework since you don't want to do. You fail your add maths not my problem. I still got teach and get my pay. Class it's your attitude, best class but your attitude is horrible, all the teachers complaining about your class....

Ok so Lord Septic is a - what? Why you ask stupid questions ar? Only animals like donkeys ask this kind of thing, oh I forgot you;re a donkey. Shut up! Oi! Why you guys talking behind there? No manners at all this class, best class, but no manners, I wonder how you all got into this class. Next year I guarantee you all won't be in this class. You guys should be put into the last class. So what if you so smart? If you so smart don't come to school, don;t coem to class, don;t need to hear me teach. I come and teach to the walls only.

After going through these speeches day by day by the same teacher saying the same thing over and over again. How can you not want holidays? So today, the incident right when the school belll rang.

Classmate: ZAQZEDCTVBYUNIJIKMe (trying to imitate the chem teacher): Animals get out
Chem teacher: Animals get out!
Class: ZAQXWSXEDRCRTFVYBUNX HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!! LALALALALALLA (rushes out of class)
Outside class: who who who who who! muay muay muay muay muay! woof woof woof! (all the animal sound)

This is the proper merdeka.

Clash

2010-08-18T18:52:00.001+08:00

No one is here in this world because they want to be.
They're all fighting against life's absurdities.
But some say that it isn't true.
And they wanted to show these people that life is not unreasonable.
They wanted these people to live a fulfilling life,
persuading those who wants to stay here to do so.
Yet, how ironic,
It was only because of that they clash, letting their beliefs guide them,
Forging weapons to guide them on their path.
After which they battled everyday.
How bad can one misunderstanding be?

Time

2010-08-17T18:53:00.001+08:00

Time is an unending entity. Those who tries to bend the flow of time will face consequences.

As time moves on and so will I,

Things happen and I can't explain why,

Changing the past won't give a dime,

All I need to do is move along with time.

One and Only Wish

2010-08-02T22:23:00.001+08:00

Within the difficulty of accomplishing my one and only wish,

I Want to show you that I’ll protect you to the end, for something irreplaceable,

It’s a promise that I want to fulfill

Within the world covered in doubts, I still haven’t found the answer
Nevertheless, I advance forward- Why?
Cypress trees stretch into the sky; the road pointed straightforward
Let’s believe in the miracle called ‘now’

A dreamlike reality- If it’s something that I can change with my hands

Within the difficulty of accomplishing my one and only wish,

I Want to show you that I’ll protect you to the end, for something irreplaceable,
I vow to my pounding heartbeats, I’ll keep on running until I burn up
Within the eternal love, which I can feel it indeed surviving,

It’s a promise that I want to fulfill

Sunflowers bloom at the foot of the hill; the dazzling and spreading yellowness
Shines the light of hope

When it comes to things that I can change
There should be a varied way of living

Let’s risk everything; I want to be shining within my granted time
I’m just only breathing and being here; even though it’s just that, my feelings overflow
I have my happiness; just by being able to think so, how much
Light, enough to be lovely, will this moment release?

It’s a distance far too long to advance on alone
Won’t someone open this door? I’m waiting

Oral

2010-07-20T21:57:00.000+08:00

Not the teeth. That stupid test that texts your speech and stuff, telling story and bla bla bla. My teacher will probably start doing it on Thursday of Friday and I haven't got a subject yet! I'm still wondering should I talk about google chrome or facebook or go impromptu. Not much really happened recently since my last post putting aside the fact my sis got 5 weeks holiday and my other sis got some architecture expo in shanghai darn she goes out too often. And now i'm usually the only one online and I always wonder: WHERE DID EVERYONE ELSE GO?! They probably went to some party full of girls and didn't invite me. D= evil meanies. So today, was some Prefect Selection Celebration or something like that. Most of my classmates got into the committee list. Now next year i can manipulate em! Yay! More fun for me, I got more stings to pull. But it'll be a different story if they become more 'sharped nose'. What else ya wanna know? Yesterday I was watching a funny series called The World Dumbest on youtube. You can go check it out now, I posted some of the videos in my facebook page and liked all of em. That series is called serious humor, probably better than jeff dunham or russell peters. And also just last week, My classmate bought an xbox game called UFC Undisputed 2010. Yes, Ultimate Fighter Champion and I mastered the game in just 3 days! It's way better than the smackdown I've been playing all this while. I got to learn some REAL submission street fight moves. Yes yes it's violence but I call it self knowledge for self defense. =D But now, I see there are lacking elements in the media recently, wheres all the hoo hah magic performances and meaningful songs and the interesting discovery science and the funky real-time RPG games? All they have now is sports and billionaire songs. Oh my, I have sidetracked. thats enough recap for now. =p

Negative

2010-06-23T15:06:00.001+08:00

Not too long ago, I came home from school. After bathing, I checked my phone and it gave me a black screen. I thought it was no big deal since this problem existed for awhile now. When I'm playing games, it gives a white screen, when i'm doing other things it gives me black. After a few times, I found a solution to get it back on: shake it! Really, whenever I shake, it comes back on. Thats makes my phone kinda shake effect like the iphone eh? And this problem appears like everyday and everytime i leave my phone idle, so a few days ago, this problem stopped appearing after I suggested to my mom to buy me a new phone. GREAT! And today after school, I checked my phone, it gave me a black screen for like 1 hour. Then just now i got fed up of it, opened the cover, and pressed the battery in case the contact was loose. Still not working, I tap the phone on the wall, not hit, i didn't hit it okay... after tapping like twice, the screen came on. YAY! But with a catch; NEGATIVE COLORS! Yesh, I got the most super duper awesome coolest phone on earth now, I see everything in my phone as negative, including the camera. So I tried something cool, I activated the camera and set the effects to negative and then the picture became normal colors. Felt kinda cool flipping the effects around and now the babe in my phone background is catchy due to the colors, very eye grabbing.

Random thoughts

2010-06-20T00:21:00.000+08:00

Recently i'm getting lazy to post something here, more like i'm always lazy to post something here so I considered on making this blog dead but well, I don't feel like hitting on the delete blog button at the settings page. I don't know why la but lazy to click on it also you know. As you can see, I changed my template, again! Well this is the effect of seeing cool stuff on other sites and trying to make something nicer or just following what i'm into at the moment and match the template. I thought of making a whole new blog background but then again, i'm lazy to design.

My next random thing I do: Play a dead game. Huh?! Really, not too long ago theres this web game I was into, then my sister joined in the game. To Many people, this game is boring because it's like mafia wars where you click, wait for page to load, click, wait for page to load, or it's like the old internet where you see words with links that leads you to more words with...links. Yeah, after awhile, my account was like super good, then I started to slack because it started getting boring eventually I stopped. Then Just 3 hours ago, I had a thought, maybe i start playing that game again. Oh come on! It's dead! I logged into the game, then I saw the familiar black screen with white words and links that leads you to more words and links.Right after seeing that screen, I closed the page. Funny, I don't want to play that game again.

Another random things I do: So far what I only did most of the time at home is watch anime, watch anime, watch anime, watch anime, watch anime, watch anime, lunch, watch anime, watch anime, watch anime, watch anime, watch anime, watch video, watch video, watch video, facebook, facebook, facebook, bathe, chat, chat, chat, dinner, and if I got time I play PS2, surf net, surf net, surf net, google, google, google and thats all basically. But now I crammed in playing guitar, swinging wooden sword that I bought from Melacca recently after church camp and heres the funny part, I always think to myself go do homework. WHAT?! CRAZY AR?! The last time I did my homework voluntarily was like since standard 6, 2 weeks before my UPSR.

Other random things I do: I have seriously no idea how this started. Really, not too long ago, 3 weeks or so, I flirt with my school girls in MSN. Honestly, I tell you, I have no idea how this started. but thank goodness it's not out of control.

More random things I do: I jumped back into the 2000-2007 music mood. I started listening to these so-called 'ancient' songs. And I surprisingly remember the lyrics! I got good memory when it comes to things like that, but of course, if I listen to the songs once then I can't remember the lyrics la so you can't compare my lyrics memory with sejarah! HAH!

And I think thats all for AWHILE now. Yes, I said AWHILE, A-W-H-I-L-E...it means this blog might be dead for another few weeks. Hahaha! So indulge in this post until the next post come or maybe the next post won't come at all. =D

Caught

2010-06-01T18:56:00.000+08:00

Chem exam today. Friend got caught cheating. teacher gave him 0. o.o

The Suit Of Spades

2010-05-22T22:13:00.001+08:00

Second of Spades - Signifies change

Third of Spades - Signifies routine matters and unexpected events.

Fourth of Spades -Indicates illness or depression. The card cautions you about health and mental state.

Fifth of Spades - Signifies anger, as in red hot anger. A forest being burned down.

Sixth of Spades - Signifies caution, most of the time. Warning to proceed slowly, hold back, keep certain emotions in reserve.

Seventh of Spades – Signifies deep loss; something that will be deeply grieved.

Eighth of Spades - Signifies tears. Tears of pity, self-pity, sorrow, crying. Also can be cleansing, comforting, healing tears.

Ninth of Spades– Signifies intense grief and anguish, feeling of mourning. The period of longing for what can't be brought back. Unresolved heartaches.

Ten of Spades - Indicates a journey.

Jack of Spades - Represents a male, young in age or "spirit", having dark hair and eyes. Usually intellectual rather than emotional in how he views the world, he seeks justice and is judgmental by nature.

Queen of Spades - Represents a female, dark hair and eyes.

King of Spades - Represents a male, older in age or "spirit", having dark hair and eyes. Trust his guidance, he has insight to help you find direction.

The Ace of Spades - Considered the Death Card 90% of the time.

Interesting stuff huh? Imagine a guy died and at the side of the coffin has the Jack of Spades, The Ace of Spades, and Fourth of Spades. That would mean, this young guy died of an illness. So cool! If i'm a serial killer, I'd leave the death card on all my victims. =D muahahaha

Joke of the day

2010-05-16T16:35:00.000+08:00

God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

Yellowcard - Only One

2010-05-15T21:02:00.000+08:00

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

Trick Question

2010-05-11T14:34:00.001+08:00

Choose one. You prefer a sick pervert or a healthy pervert. No saying neither. must choose one.

After choosing, scroll down and see the results.

Sick perverts are people who didn't take their medication like watching porn or any sexual stuff while the healthy ones are the ones who takes their medicine. So you get the point. I think i'd choose a sick pervert. ahahahaa!

Movie Time

2010-05-03T20:55:00.000+08:00

Today went to watch Iron Man 2. Overall it's a nice show, it's cool and funny but the storyline is like the first movie (fighting for the suit). But hey, watch for the tech. =D

Then now i got my movie planner. =D
After Iron Man 2, Robin Hood, Prince of Persia, Toy Stories, Avatar Last Airbender, Harry Potter, Splinter Cell.

wahahaha. movie year

just keep trying

2010-04-27T21:49:00.001+08:00

I never thought i'd do the same mistake twice in a day. There won't be a third time.

Fidchell

2010-04-20T21:03:00.000+08:00

The abberant key, borne in thy left arm.
The key of twilight, borne in thy right arm.
The final wave, the surge of rebirth...
shall become light and fill the world.
Thou shalt lead the new Gods to their twilight.
Thou destroyest and createst, thou powerless one...
as the stirring of footsteps of a giant shadow sound.
Oh blessed be the little ones...

Room

2010-04-15T16:55:00.000+08:00

Starting to love my room more. Got internet connection, but no msn messenger. =( that would be my hate.

Chage

2010-04-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

My room is renovated! Not really. More like redesigned. =D

Checkmate

2010-04-05T18:30:00.000+08:00

So 2 weeks ago, a couple of friends and I registered to represent our school in a chess competition. And this morning, was the first day. Haha! I got owned badly. 3 losses 1 win. At least I got 50 points for my co-curriculum. Yup, join for the marks only since I don't go to co-curriculums. Tomorrow will be day 2. =D

Chess

2010-03-30T14:35:00.000+08:00

Do you know why chess is a very racist game?

Because white always starts first.

Not a very nice value

2010-03-29T16:13:00.000+08:00

BM - 58
English - 70 (I know. My first time getting B)
Maths - 73 (Not very good too)
Moral - 95 (This is good)
Physics - 62 (Considered okay)
Biology - 42 (Blame the teacher's soft voice)
Chemistry - 58 (Disappointed. Was confident to get A)
Sejarah - 37 (No hope to save)
EST - 79 (Even though it's an A, not good enough)
Add Maths - 20 (Extremely low and unacceptable! I need an A)

Not very nice values don't you think?

Miss You

2010-03-22T14:28:00.000+08:00

Stay here, when the summer light
Heralds the season we spent together
I'm staying here, 'cause I remembered
Your smile so bright

We agreed to this distance
For our dreams and for the future
But these tears won't stop
Why am I so sad?

I'm yearning, yearning, thinking of you
As little by little the days bring us closer to our goals
Earnestly, earnestly, just as I am
I want the strength to make it through
But I miss you, and I can't be alone just yet

Together, each on our own road
Even if they don't always overlap
My love, I don't want to ever forget
The tenderness I found when I met you

The love you gave me
Gave me wings for my journey
I can't just cry
If I want my dreams to come true someday

I miss you, I miss you, I'm thinking of you
There are times I look back in loneliness
But I'm walking, walking, just as I am
Without hesitation, believing my heart
Yes, I miss you, and now I can say it

The blue sea and endless sky
I saw with you that day
They fill my heart even now
Along with the unchanging memories

I'm yearning, yearning, thinking of you
As little by little the days bring us closer to our goals
Earnestly, earnestly, just as I am
I want the strength to make it through

I miss you, I miss you, I'm thinking of you
There are times I look back in loneliness
But I'm walking, walking, just as I am
Without hesitation, believing my heart
Yes, I miss you, and now I can say it

Near or far, I feel you
Instead of goodbye...

By Yuna Ito

Yes I miss someone right now. Who is it I shall not tell. Don't butt in too much. =p

The World - The Epitaph of Twilight

2010-03-21T20:52:00.000+08:00

Yet to return, the shadowed one.

Who quests for the Twilight Dragon

Rumbles the Dark Hearth,

And Helba, Queen of the Dark,

has finally raised her army.

Apeiron, King of Light beckons.

At the base of the rainbow they meet

Against the abominable Wave,

together they fight.

Alba's lake boils.

Light's great tree doth fall.

Power- now all to droplets turned

in the temple of Arche Koeln.

Returns to nothing,

this world of shadowless ones.

Never to return, the shadowless one,

Who quests for the Twilight Dragon.

By Emma Wielant

I know I have posted this poem countless times, but "The World" was based on this poem.

The World

-fin-

The World - Three Dogmas

2010-03-21T00:46:00.000+08:00

Both humans and beasts grew tired of the long years of war. However, neither side was able to strike a decisive blow and none knew a way to stop the cycle of wars and bring the entire gruesome conflict to an end.

In this never-ending cycle, a new Faction was born. Composed of both humans and beasts, the new Faction concentrated on pure pursuit of power and incorporated the crest technology derided by humans and the steam technology loathed by beasts.

Both humans and beasts were afraid that this new faction would enter the wars, but they sent emissaries to both humans and beasts and called for a cease fire. At first, both races were hesitant, but they both were forced to accept from the sheer toll brought on by the war.

And so the war between the two races ended but the conflict continued. Beasts continued to insist on participating in the Gods’ Rebirth and the new faction proclaimed their participation as well.

Humans chanted for “Steam technology and innovation.” Beasts were for “crest technology and tradition.” And the new faction for “the pure pursuit of power.”

They began a quiet war without a show of force. No winner was decided in this war since no gods were born from any of these forces. The three-way war continued, and in time the factions came to be called the following:

Arvakv the Innovators

Ogmios the Conservatives

Teutates the Pursuers

To this day, the three-way war knows no end, and it quietly drives the world ever closer to its doom.

The World - Humans And Beasts

2010-03-18T19:43:00.001+08:00

At first, humans and beasts were friendly with each other.

But while the beasts revered nature and old ways, the humans were too innovative.

It was the beasts who first discovered the creatures called Chim Chims. When the beasts saw the light of the gods in the Chim Chims they decided to revere them as a legacy of the gods. But the humans captured the Chim Chims to research them and after discovering a way to extract energy from them, used them to invent steam machines. The beasts protested this treatment, but the humans would not listen.

As the humans’ use of steam technology advanced, they abandoned magic as old and obsolete. The beasts continued to revere magic culture and rejected steam technology. Humans scoffed at the beasts for being stubborn and small-minded, and beasts came to despise the humans’ foolishness.

Eventually the beasts decided they could not leave the Gods’ Rebirth to the fools and proclaimed that they too will participate in the Gods’ Rebirth. Folset granted their participation. Humans were outraged. They believed that the Gods’ Rebirth was their right.

The two sides’ antagonism toward each other began to deepen and finally war broke out.

Humans gathered their armies and steam weapons, but found their weapon production was lagging behind. Desperate, they built the great factory of Breg Epona, but still they were unable to create the necessary weapons.

Beasts were mighty in the ways of magic, but were small in numbers. They were unable to marshal a large enough army.

Humans were weaker but more numerous. Beasts were stronger, but fewer in number.

And the war continued to rage on.

The World - Battle Against The Gods, Gods' Rebirth & World Without Gods

2010-03-17T17:29:00.000+08:00

When the gods learned that a goddess had been imprisoned, their fury knew no bounds and they vowed to destroy mankind. But the humans had no intention of meekly succumbing to extinction and used their magic powers to devise a weapon that they could use to fight against the gods. So began the war between the gods and the humans.

The humans were no match for the power of the gods. The Aerial City of Fort Ouph fell from the sky and the Highland City of Dun Loireag was crushed underneath it. The Cultural City of Carmina Gadelica was destroyed by the god of lightning and many lives were lost.

As a last resort, the humans took all of Aurora’s power, transformed it into magic power and fired it at the heavens. Heaven was engulfed in flame and the gods fled or fell burning to die upon the earth.

The humans sacrificed much as well. The Relic City Lia Fail, from where the goddess’s power was fired, was reduced to ashes and many excellent magicians died along with it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All the gods in heaven disappeared.

But a single god who remained on earth lived.

This was the God of Law, Folset, who guarded the gate that blocked the Heavenly Path.

Winning the war against the gods, the humans wanted the wisdom and power of the gods and stormed Morrigu Barrow and demanded Folset to invite them in to the realm of the gods. But Folset refused to grant them entry.

At first, the humans pointed their weapons at Folset and demanded he open the gate. But Folset answered thus: “Do whatever you wish. There is no way any of your weapons can harm me.” The humans followed his words and tried to attack Folset in any way they could, but they were unable to harm even a single hair on his head.

Once they learned that force was to no avail, they tried to convince him to open the gates by seducing him with gifts.

After seeing the gifts, Folset said, “Build a mountain of gifts for me if you wish. I’ll make a mountain twice that size in an instant.” Before Folset was even finished completing his sentence, a mountain of gifts more lavish than the gifts of the humans sprang up before their eyes.

After learning that both force and flattery were of no avail, the humans got on their knees and begged pathetically. “If a power that is greater than the Shadow emerges, we would fall into ruin. But if we could regain the wisdom and power that lies beyond this gate, we would be able to protect ourselves and not fight one another. So please open the gate.” Folset laughed and answered them: “Was it not you who took up sword and shield and slew the gods? You should suffer for your sins.”

Protesting, the humans replied, “So you are saying that we should have simply allowed the gods to drive us all to extinction?” Folset shook his head and answered: “Recall first the sins that you committed. Is it not just that sinners receive judgment?” To this the humans could make no reply. Folset continued to speak: “But all beings have the right to atone for their sins. Human! Child of sin! If you want this gate opened, then bring back the lost gods. The gods will rise again, born from the dogma of the believers. If they are true gods, then I will open this gate. Bring back what has been lost and only then can you be pardoned.”

And so the humans argued over Gods’ Rebirth and once again made war against each other.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The world fell into stagnation without the gods.

With none to command them, the sun stood in place and the tides ceased to ebb and flow. The looms gave forth no thread and the ovens no warmth. Mankind now had to perform all of these functions themselves.

Despite these hardships, humans did not cease their wars with each other. Soon they invented different types of magical tools to improve their lives.

Ten years after the Great War with the gods, a researcher visited the ruins of Fort Ouph. Many have avoided the ruins of Fort Ouph, Lia Fail, Carmina Gadelica, and Dun Loireag after the Great War in fear and hatred that they were haunted by the spirits of the dead gods and goddesses.

This belief was further enhanced by the fact that most who set out to explore the ruins never came back.

However this particular researcher did return and he brought along with him a creature with a body of a human and a head and tail of an animal. The creature was a Beast.

The World - Goddess Aurora

2010-03-14T15:24:00.000+08:00

The savior of mankind was a young apprentice magician.

He confined himself in the temple of Arche Koeln and prayed to the gods. In exchange for his life, he was able to call upon the six great spirits and two goddesses. The eight gods that were summoned were:

Vulcan the Fire Spirit,

Merrows the Water Spirit,

Krake the Wood Spirit,
Yarthkins the Earth Spirit,

Lanceor the Lightning Spirit,

Wryneck the Darkness Spirit,

Anu the Star Goddess, and

Aurora the Goddess of Light.
The light of the gods shined once more on the blessed earth and the Shadow was contained.

Thanks to the newfound peace, humans once again prospered, but it did not last long. Once the threat of the Shadow was gone, the humans began to fight with each other. After sealing the shadow, the eight gods and goddesses remained on earth, but some were angered by the foolishness of humans and others grieved their wretchedness and left until finally, only Aurora remained. Fearing that the light of heaven would again depart the earth, humans placed eight curses on Aurora and sealed her inside the Hulle Granz Cathedral.

The World - Path Of Evil

2010-03-14T00:50:00.000+08:00

The gods fell into despair over the humans’ deed.

They created a great gateway called "Morrigu Barrow Wall" and blocked off all earthly access to the Heavenly Path so that none could enter heaven.

Along with the sealing of the Heavenly Path, the light of the Gods was also blocked from earth. Without the protection of the gods, the earth gradually became wilder and began to be corrupted by a dark power called the Shadow. Corrupted by the Shadow, the earth overflowed with These demons roamed the world and killed everything in their path. Many creatures were lost as a result of their brutality.

Humans also came under attack by the monsters. They formed barriers in the major cities and closed themselves off. They fought against the monsters, but lost battle after battle. One by one, the cities were cut off from each other, and the barriers protecting the cities were destroyed one after another.

Finally only five cities remained standing.

The World - Banquet of Conspiracy

2010-03-12T23:37:00.001+08:00

The Grunties were loved by all creatures with the exception of the bitterly jealous humans.

This was because all of the things that made Grunties so wonderful had once belonged to the humans.

Humans began to look for Grunties’ weaknesses and learned of the curse that Sol had cast on them. Overjoyed, the humans next set out to learn the secret word, but even the normally talkative monkey would not betray the secret word.

So the humans held a banquet and invited all the gods and creatures in order to fog their minds with drink.

One after another, the guests became intoxicated until finally only the snake, the strongest drinker, remained. The snake still would not tell the secret word, so the humans brought out their strongest drink and gave it to the snake. As expected, the snake became drunk and told the secret word to the humans.

The humans rejoiced and intoned the words.
Immediately, the Grunties lost their intelligence and found themselves unable to stand upright.

The humans called them Puchi Pongo and made them into their beasts of burden. Then they proceeded to continue their war against the other races.

For telling the secret words, the snake was punished by having to forever crawl about the earth on its stomach.

The World - Grunty Race

2010-03-11T22:15:00.000+08:00

Having lost their wisdom, humans brought war and chaos to the world.

They had been reduced to creatures concerned only with domination, and so they commenced to make war on all the other races.Sol gazed down in sadness at the ruined earth and decided to use the goodness that he had taken from the elves to create the race of Grunties. He dispatched them to return peace to the world.

But the gods were afraid that the Grunties would suffer the same flaw as the elves and voiced objections to Sol’s action.

And so, Sol cast a curse upon the Grunties and proclaimed: “Listen carefully to me. I have cast a spell on you. It is a curse and a magic word is its key. If someone, even just one person on this earth says this word, a terrible calamity will befall on all of you.”

The Grunties beseeched him, “Great lord, when this calamity occurs, how are we to escape it?” Sol nodded his head an answered: “You must not oppress others. You must not be bitter. You must not be envious. Have a good and pure heart and live your days peacefully.”

The secret word was told to all gods and all creatures except for humans. The gods were satisfied and the Grunties were sent down to earth.

Without shedding a drop of blood, the Grunties stopped the violence of the humans. Overjoyed, the gods created magical powers and gave it to the Grunties. But even with such great power, the Grunties did not fall prey to the sin of pride.

The World - The Despised

2010-03-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

There were some who protested the treatment of the elves at the hands of the gods. They were the elves who did not wish to go against the gods. They stormed the Heavenly Path and threw themselves before the gods and cried, “Why must you punish us when it was not us who drew our swords against you?” The gods answered, “That is true. But that is not the only sin.” The elves asked again, “What do you mean by that, oh gods?” The gods answered back. “Very well then. When your brethren raised their swords against us, where were you and what were you doing?” To that, the elves replied, “We were at the altars praying to you gods. We prayed that the fools who disobeyed you would receive your divine punishment.”

The gods retorted, “Were you not merely praying that your own lives be spared?!” The elves faces turned red and they could not reply. Suddenly the gods showed their anger. “You are more foolish than the fools who do not know their place! Lower even than the humans! From this day on, you will wear a mark showing your supposed innocence and piety!”

And just as this thundering judgment was made, each of the elves that gathered at the Heavenly Path began to transform. They grew tails and their beautiful faces turned into those of beasts. When they saw how they had changed, they screamed in shame and disappeared to dark corners of the world.

The World - The Fools

2010-03-09T23:08:00.000+08:00

The gods entrusted the earth to the elves, and created their own realm in the heavens known as Airceltrai, the City of Dawn.

And so the elves ruled the earth
And the gods ruled the heavens.

The gods built a path connecting the earth and heaven and called it the Heavenly Path. The Heavenly Path was used to deliver the light of the heavens and the gods down to earth.

Guarded by the light of the sun and the light of the gods, life on earth flourished and it seems that peace would last forever.

But as time passed, the elves began to believe that their powers equaled those of the gods. They built the aerial fortress, Fort Ouph in the sky to enter the realm of the gods and insisted that they be treated as gods. Sol was furious and he took from the elves all that were good in them. The elves became slower, weaker, and uglier than any other creature.

Myulin scorned these foolish creatures and named them Humans.

The World - New Life

2010-03-09T00:08:00.001+08:00

The Elder Deity mourned the loss of the Younger Deity for many years, but eventually he grew accustomed to his sad, lonely life.

One day, unable to bear his loneliness any longer, the Elder Deity removed one of his eyes and created a goddess. The new goddess looked at the Elder Deity and exclaimed: Thou art handsome. With this voice, the world was filled with sound.The Elder Deity and the new goddess gave names to each other. The Elder Deity received the name of Sol the God of Creation and the goddess, Myulin the Goddess of Harvest.

Then the Elder Deity created a land of the dead in the darkest part of the world and sealed the spirit of the Younger Deity and gave him the name of Cernunnos the Lord of the Dead. This was how all things were named and given a purpose. Sol gave birth to more gods and goddesses. Myulin gave the new gods names and Sol gave them purpose. One rules the sun, and another the oceans. One ruled the weaving thread, and another the stoves. This was how the sun traveled the sky, the oceans beat against the shores, the loom spit out threads, and the stoves held the fire within.

Sol then gave birth to trees, plants, beasts, birds, fishes, and insects. They were all spread throughout the world and found a place to live.The world was filled with life.

Last to be created were the Elves. Sol created them in his image and he loved them best. Sol asked all the gods and all creatures to grant the elves their blessings.

Each god, goddess and creature happily gave its blessings to the elves.

As a result, the elves were faster, stronger, smarter, and more beautiful than any other creature, and they were able to speak the language of all creatures.

However Cernunnos, the Lord of the Dead withheld his blessing from the elves. Unaware of darkness, the elven hearts were ever wrapped in light, but because of it the elves had an incredible innocence in them.

The World - Genesis of Grief

2010-03-07T20:36:00.002+08:00

Long, long ago before the earth and the heavens existed, two brothers lived in the world. Able to read each other's hearts without so much as a glance, the two were fully satisfied. The world was the two. The two were the world.

One day the Elder Deity accidentally broke the Younger Deity's treasured sword. Furious, the Younger Deity retaliated by slashing the Elder Deity's treasured spear with his broken sword. The spear was split in half and the Elder Deity erupted in anger. And so, glaring at each other, one holding his broken sword, the other his broken spear they fought.

The War waged for seven days and seven nights. On the eighth day, the Younger Deity realized their foolishness and went to the Elder Deity to request a truce. But the Elder Deity, still blinded with anger, saw this as an opening and thrust his spear. The spear pierced the chest of the Younger Deity and took his life.

The Younger Deity's final breath became the heavens, and his fallen body became earth. The fountain of blood erupted high and became the sun. The broken sword shattered and formed the moons and stars in the heavens. Feeling great shame, the Elder Deity wept. His tears became rain and fell to earth, forming oceans in its deep contours.

From eternal tranquility, the world was set into motion.

Time

2010-02-23T22:47:00.002+08:00

I sometimes wish that I have more time.

Untitled

2010-02-19T00:33:00.000+08:00

It's OK, I'm here.
I'll always be here to look after you.
I won't say "Please don't be sad"
Nor "Don't suffer the pain"
Because I know the burden you are carrying
But, it's time to forgive yourself
You had already tried really hard, didn't you?
But my heart feels warm
Because you are thinking of me
I can hear the echo of your thoughts
This will be a terrific ending
So your pain and sorrow will not be all for nothing
They will become your motivation,
Become part of who you are.
Go on, let's go together.

promises

2010-02-17T19:22:00.000+08:00

Beyond the path without you
is a forgotten promise to keep.
We may have walked side by side,
but now we go on back to back.
And though our paths may not cross,
all paths are connected somewhere.
When I arrive at where you are,
we may not appear to be as we were...
But we'll make another promise to keep.

Have A Nice Day

2010-02-12T18:15:00.001+08:00

recommended for you

2010-02-05T21:17:00.000+08:00

Truth

2010-01-06T20:03:00.002+08:00

The truth is harsh

over

2010-01-03T22:06:00.001+08:00

Just 2 more hours to go, and my year-end vacation is gonna be over.

Thinking

2010-01-03T00:28:00.002+08:00

I couldn't sleep last night. Was thinking about something. I'm not sure what it was. Or maybe is that what people call emo-ing. Well, I have no idea, since i'm not an emo guy. =D

1 week recap

2009-12-24T23:11:00.008+08:00

Okay. Today i'll be telling you how my week on 10th to 17th December was. A lot to talk about and got lot of pictures.

-10th December 2009-

It was the day I was waiting for. My first mission trip. Had a lot of expectations for this trip. I woke up at 7.00am get my stuff, finalize my packing, and left for church. Arrived at church around 8.30am, honestly I really had nothing to do that time. everyone was doing some stuff while I just sit down trying not to nod off =p. So we boarded the bus at 9.30 which is 30 MINS AFTER THE AGREED TIME!!! So anyway, on the way, most of us nodded off on the way. At 12 i think. or is it 1? Not sure, but I had lunch with Samson and Timothy which was extremely hilarious. We had lots of fun while eating. And during that time, Vincent was approached by some Buddhist lady selling Buddhist stuff and he had no idea what to say, he's expression was PRICELESS! So after lunch, we were looking for the bus and some of them went into a nearby tiny mall. like what? 2 shops big? And soon, I have no idea why everyone of us went in. In there we also had some fun time even though is only 15 mins, And at one point, Ming Yan said "Why is everyone at the lingerie section?" Which was true! every single one of us were there! Then Pastor Willard was approached by another Buddhist lady selling Buddhist stuff while me and Andrea were talking to him. He tried to act deaf! Well, sadly Andrea and me blew his cover. He laughed! And the lady just walked off. So we went back on board the bus. Some of us slept the entire journey again while another few of us were yapping. Well, once we reached there, the environment wasn't what I expected. The church and the Kampung were inside the Oil Palm Estate. So then while we were resting after our long journey, suddenly Pastor Will saw some nice rambutan tree. So one gang of us went to one of the resident's house and asked permission to pluck. Then while plucking rambutans with that stick that I have no idea how to use, some of us had fun catching chickens! Yes, we pluck a box of rambutans! And da da da da da skip the story to the night. At night, we had service. after that, dinner, and again we had fun. Then after dinner, we picked out own spot and sleep.

-11th December 2009-

All was forced to wake up, okay not really forced to wake up at 8, but something like that. A wake up curfew. So anyway, morning's devotion was done by Pastor Will for my group. Then we had breakfast. Then the Kampung kids came to get their hair a good anti lice shampoo. Then half of us but not me, went to another kampung while the rest that stayed back did some work. The weather was a killer. Just like a Sunday afternoon. After our work, which was around 4.30 I think. We finally got to rest! Then at 5, I went for a bath and then something really funny happened.

The layout of the toilet is very simple, only 2 cubical. So I was bathing in one, and Nicky was bathing in one. Suddenly, Jeremy came in and stand in front of my cubical and asked "Nicky! you inside ar?" So I obviously didn't respond since I thought he was talking to Nicky and also I didn't know that He was in front of my cubical. Then Nicky answered "Yeah!" then Jeremy went to Nicky's cubical thinking that one is empty and opened the door (the lock was busted) suddenly......AAAAHHHH!!!!!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!!! that was funny!

After that we had children service. All had fun, and the kids there are actually sporting! not like we local kids get embarrassed or whatsoever. After that, we had dinner that was around 9.30pm? late huh.

-12th December 2009-

Woke up same time. But today, was different! It was a leisure day. No work to do. we had breakfast then set sail to the waterfalls! Oh well, not like I went in. Hehe, I didn't bring a change of clothes. Even though I didn't go in, I had fun walking on the rocks and eating rambutans. =p Then when we got back, we rested. After that, I did some 'egg sandwich without the sand' making. Well, that was supposedly our light dinner. Then we had the Youth service. It was the best service! Everyone was in touch with the spirit. The skit was good even though we had lots of laugh but everyone go the message. After service, we treated the youths there to KFC while fellowshipping with them. When all left, we went for dinner again. Since it was our last night, our curfew was extended till 3.00am yay! Few of us went for a late night walk. It was and wasn't my favorite walk because of someone......................anyways, we walked into the oil pal m estate and found an opening. There, we can say we saw the universe. The pretty stars and their shining glow. The longer we stare, the more stars appear. Orion was looking down to earth while 2 shooting stars shot past us. WOW! TWO! Not one, but two! then we continue staring while talking about space facts which no one really bothered. Then we went back to the church. Before sleeping, me, Timothy, Samson and Pastor Will had a good laugh to sleep.

-13th December 2009- (I almost wrote 13th day)

Woke up quite late due to our late curfew. The power was cut for some unknown reason. Then we had the main service. It was rather okay. But the mood was brightened when the children did they funny and cute performance. After that, we packed and the children wished us goodbye. We had lunch and had a good laugh on the way back to Subang. and thats the end for the missions trip.
_____________________________________________________________

-14 December 2009-

Woke up at 6.00am. I did my final packing before going to the airport. The taxi came and we got going. Reached at the airport 2 freakin hours early for no reasons. I have no idea why they have the 2 hour rule. So 2 hours of free time doing basically nothing. Until the time finally came to board the plane, our flight was AK705 and I asked my father if there was any AK47 Had to walk quite far from the terminal to the plane. After getting our seat, we waited another 10 mins to leave the runway. This wasn't a very good first experience. Up in the air, it was pretty cool at first but to think that the chair's reclining limit wasn't very long pissed me off. So I couldn't sleep in the plane. URGH! Well, the toilet was pretty scary, it was so tiny and the flush is made out of vacuum? Noisy and scary, i thought it was gonna suck me in! So, the rest of this post will be illustrated by pictures.

Visit to the science and technology centre.

The below is the visit to the night safari

National Geographic Outlet.

The Sub-zero temperature room was fun.

It's Doulos! Singapore was their final stop and will decommissioned.

It is the oldest ship! 99 years on the sea!

Alvin and the Chipmunks

Okay. that basically sums it all up.

I'm back

2009-12-13T22:25:00.000+08:00

oh yea! mission trip was awesome! had fun, got tired. new experience! ta-da! short and sweet summary!

One more day....

2009-12-09T00:05:00.002+08:00

sheesh. I'm getting restless! Just one more day till my life change...I believe it will

Google Chrome and Google Chrome OS

2009-12-06T00:32:00.004+08:00

And the reason it's so fast!

I will definitely get Google Chrome OS when google releases it on 2010 (Google promised to realease it next year!)
But I wonder, what if my internet died. =O Haaahaha! who cares!? =D

GO GOOGLE!

Habits

2009-12-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

Well, everyone has habits. Whether if it is drumming fingers to foot tapping or to skipping. it's all habits and of course we all know that old habits die hard. Recently, I've been talking to no one every night right before I sleep. I will tell no one how was my day or how much I wanted to do tomorrow or da da dum. Now I wonder where did I get this habit from? Do ya know?

Parents got new phone...

2009-11-24T21:06:00.000+08:00

ARGH! My parents got 2 brand new phones.

They should have just bought me one at the same time.

My mom bought a Nokia 3120c. Just like mine (copy cat)

My dad bought a Sony Ericsson K770i. (it's purple!)

Sadly they didn't buy me a Nokia Xpressmusic. =(

WTF - It's my birthday!

2009-11-15T18:32:00.001+08:00

This car, I salute

And I even manage to say it in front of my mother to tell her what it means!

And here we go! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! It's my birthday today. and I found this car in Subang Parade yesterday night. Well, I got nice gifts! =D To all ya who haven't give me gifts. i'm waitin. =p

220

2009-11-13T21:36:00.000+08:00

Iruini626's blog. Entry 220. November 13th 2009

Today is Friday, two days before my birthday. Watched an old movie this afternoon. Nothing much to do. People come and go. I'm still on my 220th post. I just finished taking my bath, might want to take a night walk...

Just my thought

2009-11-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

First off, do you prefer the real or the fake?

Of course to me I would choose the real thing. well, thats natural right? Well, sometimes knowing the real thing or the truth may be hurtful. For example, suddenly finding out your loved father ain't your biological father. To me that will be really scary. Thinking about this, it sometimes makes you wanna flip sides right? Well, in life theres no way you can just change sides like a gutless flip-flopper that easily.

~~Why am I blogging this?~~

hehehe. I have no idea why am I blogging this. Just like my title says. just my thought.

So continuing earlier, look at the bright side, each have different talents, each have different strength and weaknesses. No matter which junction in life, there are surely crossroads, left, right, straight ahead, and back to the previous junction ( highly impossible). And each decision you make, surely there are consequences. But hey, thats what friends are for. And definitely each crossroad, there is the real and the fake. It can be anything. So my only ~~advice~~ (no! i'm not a friggin life expert) I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO END THIS POINTLESS POST! But for some reason I want to write this. =(

Well, what can I say, errrrr. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE! THEN YOU WON'T BE EMO! =D

For some reasons, that doesn't sound right. I'll let you figure what u need to do yourself then. fill in the blanks. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

one moment please. =D

2009-11-10T12:45:00.000+08:00

Okay, well, after my PMR is over, i'm now rotting at home. everyday sitting in front of this screen watching anime, facebooking or whatsoever. well, no i'm not gonna work coz i'll have to wake up early. BIG NO! So well, I have no idea what to do at home. any suggestions? okay, nevermind about that. Just yesterday, i went out with my dad to a cinema (FOR THE FIRST TIME) and watched ninja. The show was awesome! I love the blood effects, and the sound, but the problem is, the main character is a freakin white guy. =O well, most of the japanese only appear at the first quarter, after that, poof. the japanese ninja disappears from the movie. Well, the fighting scenes were okay. but the storyline was too common. Like bad guy wants something good guy has and then take the good guy's girl as hostage, then offers a trade for the thing the good guy has, good guy surrenders the thing, then bad guy and good guy does the final face off, good guy wins, good guy saves the girl, say I love you, kiss then the end. It's that kind of storyline. So well, if you are looking for gory stuff this is the show to watch, if you are looking for movie that makes sense, FORGET ABOUT WATCHING THIS SHOW!!! So this show is mainly fer fun and entertainment.

P.S. the cinema was actually empty!

Battlefield

2009-11-06T23:17:00.001+08:00

I will march down the battlefield

with the strength of a thousand people,

with toilet bowls in my hands

and lightning sHootIng FROM MY ARSE!!!!!

And the fallen enemy will say his last words.

"I need to poop in that toilet bowl of yours."

=D

~This is random.~

A Psalm of David

2009-11-01T19:30:00.003+08:00

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from Your presence
or take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Emo poem

2009-10-21T23:14:00.001+08:00

Sadness has taken over me
It brings my soul to a stop in front of everyone
I keep trying to break out of it's grasp
But i'm like a sponge floating without any ambition

Nothing to soot my soul
I'm alone
With the withered trees
My flame is almost gone

I'm just waiting for time to pass me by
I'm walking against the traffic of life
I wish I could have a dream
About a distant past of joy
Back when I was still a child.

As the night awakens now,
Where the moon is fully visible
The moon lights my surroundings
But only for me to realize that the space around me is completely void

YES! I wrote this fer fun. xD Really, no reason fer me to write this. But it's kinda art-y don'tcha think?

GLS

2009-10-20T20:10:00.002+08:00

Waaaahahahaha. Well. yesterday, I got up at 7.00 am just to go to GLS in Seremban. For those who doesn't know what GLS means (more like most of ya) GLS means Global Leadership Summit. So anyway. I thought it was just gonna be a waste of time. But nah man. I was so wrong. In fact, it was actually fun. Well besides the fact i have to sit through 8 one and a half hour sessions, It was worth it, though some sessions didn't make any sense to me. I met lots of old friends. not really lots of friend but people that I know. xD. Yesterday, just before a final session, the monkey church's performing department put up a show which totally freaked me out. And thats not funny! They had some nut chops like a drunken man, a nutchop lady who abuses and whack her own children, a drug addict, a 9 year old 3 months pregnant girl, some siao gila gambler, a freakin not hot and sexy prostitute and a one more I-dunno-what.

So I was walking with Michelle and suddenly that nutchop child abuser walked very fast with a half broken feather-duster and start spouting out some confusing crap like "EAT YOUR FOOD! YOU SO LONG HAVEN'T EAT FINISH!" and the little boy ultra kurang ajarly replys "I DOWAN EAT YOUR FOOD!" and the nutchop lady says "I DON"T CARE!" and he says "I ALSO DON'T CARE" then she says"YOU DON"T CARE THEN GET OUT OF MY FACE!" *she then takes the boy's plate of food and throw it on the ground* and the small boy says "FINE!!!" *stomps off* and that gila lady suddenly start smacking a girl and forcing her to eat. And i was literally thinking "If I was not a Christian, that nutchop lady is gonna die......" (as in literally die, I too would spout out colorful language and bash her ugly make-uped face. xD)

Then theres the drunken guy who is really nuts. I have no idea what the hell he mumbled.

And that gila gambler, I have no idea wether is she laughing or crying after she lost.

Then a drug addict, why are ya shaking fearfully like someone killed your boyfriend and is coming after ya?
'
Then this is the funniest part, the young pregnant girl, I was thinking, "so young got produce sexual cells meh? Know how to play meh? Tak matang lagi can meh?" AHAAHAHAHA!

So after that nutchop tea break, when the session started, everyone found out that that was all just an act to hype up the friggin final session. "bah!" some one would have been killed by me. LOL. so then, this morning, another 8 sessions and nothing crazy except the last session's speaker was like Ps Benedict Rajan. ULTRA HYPERACTIVE sermon and ultra farh-ney sermon. Well then, me and Michelle planned to make Rachel jealous by this. look below.

And I MMSed this picture to Rachel and UNFORTUNATELY... that girl arrr. reply me say she now got hots for asian guys. HOW LAAAAAAA....... 'Ei Rachel, you like asian guys like this???

o.o !@#$%^&

no wonder so malu la. look below.

need to close eye. haizzzz....

AHHAHAHAH so well, thats all I got.

Free!!!!

2009-10-13T17:20:00.000+08:00

YAHOO!!!!!!! PMR is finally over! MUAHAHAHAHA i'm gonna have lots of fun now. NO MORE STUDY NEEDED! =D hallelujah! well, thats not much to talk about hehe! well anyway. I;m free now, so kinda bored. LOL! give me something to do except doing yer homework or washing yer dog/feet.toilet. xD so well. Thats all! =D

ughwa!?

2009-10-11T23:07:00.000+08:00

Wha? wert? ha? When? AAAAHHHHH! It appears i'm on the verge to become emo. I better not........ tell me...am I? no. i'm definitely not! How is this happening?! At least PMR is soon to be over....=D hip hip hooray. I can't believe tomorrow i'm sitting for PMR and i'm here blogging this random 'why-am-i-becoming-emo' or 'am-I-emo' post. Lets see...tomorrow i'm having maths and sejarah. Michelle, i'm failing sejarah fer ya. =D please no yelling at me. ahahahhaa. I'm getting sleepy. Goodnight!

No title

2009-10-06T15:22:00.000+08:00

“The best and most beautiful things in this world
cannot be seen or even heard,
but must be felt with the heart.”

– Helen Keller

Morning Glow

2009-09-21T16:03:00.001+08:00

Even now I remember
The dream I had on the day you left
When I reached for your tear-streaked cheek
It vanished into the darkness

I suddenly awaken
As reality intrudes on my reverie
I found you within a crimson-stained man

Because I now understand
The meaning of the promise we exchanged
I look up at the fleeting shooting star
Shining in the distant sky and smile

Whenever my eyes waver, I remember that
Though I gazed into your eyes, I was looking from afar

Because I now understand
The meaning of the promise we exchanged
I look up at the fleeting shooting star
Shining in the distant sky and smile

No Post

2009-09-04T15:37:00.000+08:00

This blogger will not be blogging anytime soon due to lack of subjects to blog about while needing more concentration on studies. =p

Dusk to Dawn

2009-08-21T18:56:00.003+08:00

From dusk to a new dawn.

A sign of a new dawn,

A new age of freedom...

Open Seseme

2009-08-18T22:36:00.002+08:00

One week, 7 days

8 subjects, 11 papers

One week, 7 days

full of torture

full of frustration

One week, 7 days

full of stress

full of mistakes

And on the 7th day

I broke free....

1ST TRIALS ARE OVER!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

2nd trials next month. T.T

1 more month till PMR...

I don;t wanna remember....T.T

Nothing

2009-08-11T13:28:00.000+08:00

All this while, maybe it was all for nothing...

Trials

2009-08-10T20:31:00.002+08:00

Aaaaaahhhhhhh

Trials this Wednesday! And to tell you the thruth, I'm not studying... 1st day sejarah. =o bad combo! 2nd day Geografi! My worst subject next to sejarah. xD I must start studying...i'm currently doing maths so you won't be getting any post from me till next week Wednesday also i think.

S.A

2009-08-07T15:11:00.003+08:00

I don't want to give it to anyone

Shining so brightly, today's page one

If the soft pastel skies are painted witht the colours of the rainbow,

thats the sign of a new beginning

I can feel the wave's beat

we will fly away

No one will feel envious

lets overcome the future

and praise each other's dreams

Overflowing with encouragement

With just a number of tears

I can fly high

My Fall

2009-08-04T20:32:00.002+08:00

It was just a while ago

So hard to believe

Yet true.

It was just a while ago

I failed to claim victory.

It's so near to reach

Yet so far to catch

It was just a while ago

I noticed my wrongs.

Wish I could photoshop all of my memories

Because they bring me regret.

It was just a while ago

I looked away.

And now I notice

It's too late to hit the button 'rewind'

Now I open my eyes

Looking forward

Trying to forget my past

Getting ready for my own journey

I realize I can't do this on my own.

Now I'm falling

Now I'm calling

Save me from this fall

Before I close my eyes to accept my death.

written by me

Wheeeeee

2009-08-01T22:23:00.001+08:00

Yui is awesome!

Me likes her. =D

NEW POST!

2009-07-29T15:21:00.006+08:00

Okay! Sorry for not posting for 8 days. Oh well, i'm not that busy it's just that i'm lazy to think of something to blog about. So here I go. On saturday night, I decided to make MSN Scenes/themes you know...those pics/colour up there under the share photos, video call...bla bla bla you will see on your chat window, yeah that one!

So i wondered how did msn had their default themes installed on my computer. So I browesed over to C:/Program Files/Windows Live/Messenger. Then there i saw all the files until I came across this file. "Scenes.mct" hmm...I thought to myself, unknown file extension. So with a little knowledge i renamed .mct to .zip and then i opened up the file.

And there i found it! .mct is just a type of zipped file that only microsoft or messeger can read. I had a look at those default scenes...they matched on my live messenger. so then I open one of them in photoshop to get the resolution.

So now i know the msn scenes are at 640 pixels width and 220 pixels height.

From then on i started to do some scenes, and I'm kinda satiesfied with my results...

here they are: you can use them is you want! But credit goes to me! XD

This was my first scene/theme

This is just...no comments. =p

This is my best of all!

Kinda messy, but some likes it. =p

Now it may look too dark, but when you apply it, it doesnt

Something I made moments ago

Inspired by bleach

One more thing, if you somehow downloaded it small, just change the canvas size and image size in photoshop. If you still have problems, I'll send to you stright in msn.

Jokes

2009-07-21T21:44:00.005+08:00

Well I was going over my old emails and I found...

_______________________________________________________________
When Dr. Mahathir was Prime Minister of Malaysia

One lousy day in the middle of the economic crisis, PM Mahathir was feeling
extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighboring country can be doing
better
than Malaysia. One of his aides said, I heard that the
leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country.
Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh also can, and went
to
seek the top bomoh's advice in the country.

After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr M that there were 2 things that
he
must do :

Bomoh : Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything.
Dr M : But Why ?

Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'. You
must
blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.

Bomoh : Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.
Dr M: What! why him ?

Bomoh: Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'.
Dr M: But how ? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.

Bomoh : Aiyoh, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR. Make Anwar
Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly.

LOL!

________________________________________________________________

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.

He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

=====================================================

Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

=====================================================

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

=====================================================

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

=====================================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

=====================================================

Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'

=====================================================

Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

=====================================================

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.

=====================================================

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.

=====================================================

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
=====================================================

Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

=====================================================

Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

=====================================================

Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

=====================================================

A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Well.Thats all for now

Easier To Run

2009-07-16T20:28:00.001+08:00

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

Fading

2009-07-14T18:30:00.006+08:00

When I taught You were so near, to me You wasn't there.

Every time I turn around, I see Your back fading away.

You used to pick me up when I fall, but now I have to get up my own.

Only to realise I can't do this on my own.

And just when I want to give up, Your presence - extinguished.

Have You really left me or is this another test I have to take.

Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again.

Once again I look for you but you're not there.

Where are You? Or is it I took the wrong turn in this race?

Please hear me once again, and let our broken chain recover.

We've done so much and I don't think this is the end.

Now I'm looking at this screen changing the way I talk to You.

And now I ask, for a second chance

Two Across

2009-07-12T16:44:00.000+08:00

One’s born of heart and darkness,
Devoid of hearts,
Revenge all the worlds and bring desolation.
Seize all the hearts and consume the great heart,
All Hearts to be one,
One heart to encompass all,
Realize the destiny;
The realm of hearts,
The great darkness sealed within the great heart,
Progeny of darkness,
Come back to eternal darkness
For the heart of all light shall unseal the path.
Seven hearts,
One keyhole,
One key to open the door.
The door of darkness,
Tied by two keys,
The door of darkness to seal the light,
None shall pass but shadows, returning to the darkness.
Ones born of heart and darkness,
Hunger for every heart until the dark door opens.

Oathkeeper

2009-07-08T18:24:00.003+08:00

A pretty little hand-made star
Which hung from its golden chain
Silver star held dear to heart
And when in sight, eased pain.

He remembered her sweet smile
How she had offered to come
Refuse he had to, but couldn’t
To his will, she then succumbed.

The star dangles, reminding
Of the danger he now faced
One strike, two, the star shines bright
Like her face, where a smile graced.

“You’ll come back, won’t you?” Her words,
His promise of coming back
She knows he is true, and will
Wait forever in his lack.

The pretty star shines bright now
As the Darkness, still not slain
He tries to deflect, misses,
As she waits for him, in vain.

“You will have to give it back,”
Her words, he knows deep inside
“I’m so sorry…”
She hears him, eyes opened wide.

His name she screams, falling down
His voice she no longer hears
His smile she no longer sees
And she sits alone in tears.

“You promised!” She cursed
His name aloud she tries to shout
Crying, she tries to run for him
But he is dying without a doubt.

And so two souls, connected
By the star on a pretty chain
Though loving, and miles apart
Will never see each other again.

Hollow

2009-07-07T19:16:00.003+08:00

Remember i said i drew something but never scanned it. well. here it is.

To bleach watchers you should have already guessed it. If you don't, too bad xD

Well thats hollow Ichigo's mask (1st form)

And Yes, it's hand drawn by me

Heres a little suprise. I took at least 1 hour making this.

A sketch of optimus prime.

I don't mean drawing sketch.

I mean digital art. xD neat huh

Phoenix

2009-07-05T18:17:00.000+08:00

A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colourful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends). It has a 500 to 1,000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of myrrh twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. The new phoenix is destined to live as long as its old self. In some stories, the new phoenix embalms the ashes of its old self in an egg made of myrrh and deposits it in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis (sun city in Greek)

Anger and Hate

2009-07-04T11:40:00.002+08:00

Let me sleep in my sorrow

And let the tears fall from my eyes.

Though all mighht se me cry,

No one know whats inside

~written by me

A short FIlm that shows what I want to do.

Youtube

2009-06-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

I uploaded my desktop to youtube.

For Your Information

2009-06-26T21:01:00.002+08:00

Hey,

you know who you are.

I know you're afraid of me.

Well, you might not even visit here anymore,

But just in case you come.

I need to tell you this.

I know you're afraid of me.

Please don't, you make me sound like a freak.

The hole

2009-06-25T22:25:00.003+08:00

This is the real emptiness inside me...

(audio only)

picture is just for kicks. lol.

But well....this is what i'm feeling. Expressed through music.

This Feeling is more than what I can take

2009-06-22T13:47:00.004+08:00

I don't know who I am anymore.

I'm now sitting on a floating sponge without ambition.

This emptiness and loneliness...

I feel uneeded (however you spell it =p)

I'm just wearing a mask of laughter but inside I realize that I'm sad. Looking back the road I've taken, it's so far away. Full of turns and junctions I sometimes feel I've taken the wrong turn. All those memories, I wish I can change them.

Most of the time I sit by the sidelines and watch the scene. I don't know my direction anymore. I don't know my purpose anymore. I'm wondering around the sidewalk without a purpose. The answer I'm looking for can no where to be found. I always start to think, why am I here? Am I that important? Does anyone care? This mask I'm wearing, confuses me more and more. I want to break out of this shell.

I've seen people I help fly in the sky while I'm still dreaming of flying. Their apreciation was never shown. Well, I mean everyone does say 'thank you' But I know no one really means it. It's normal for someone to say thank you, I mean it's MORAL! I walk and walk and walk but no one bothers to ask 'Where are you going'. Thay just walk past me like I flow with the wind and take it easy. Well, I have one or two friends but I will soon be forgotten. It's not everyday someone walks up to you and say 'Hey! Lets be friends!' That doesn't happen often right? Well, to me thats one in a million and thats what I call true friendship.

I really need the answers to my life. I feel so empty and dry. I feel so weak and small. I feel jealous on some people. This is how far I've gone. I'm now in the state of confusion. If this is all I'm going to do for the rest if my life, I'll sure fall. My limits of what I can take is soon coming. I can see the string i'm hanging on snapping. Just one more thread and the string breaks. The answer, I have not found.

Sadly, I welcome this pain.